Where is the hickey?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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