She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
