I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
