I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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