guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
