Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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