I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
