She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
