mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
