I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
