Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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