Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
