did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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