Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
