we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
