Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
