I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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