Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
