I skipped work to stalk him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
