Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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