Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
