I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
