The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
