Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
