Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your penis caused this!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
