Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
