I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize