Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
