Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
