I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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