things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
