there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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