and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He shit in the fireplace
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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