some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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