Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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