i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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