Kareoke will never be a sober sport
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
