Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
