So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
