I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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