They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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