new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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