so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
