so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
