are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Floor bacon is actually really good
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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