I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
