I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
