Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
