If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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