I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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