hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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