Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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