i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
