Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
