don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
