i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
