White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
