his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize