You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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