i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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