apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
