Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
