I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
