i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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