Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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