I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
