It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
