I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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