Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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