the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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