It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
