I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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