So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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