yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
