i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
