I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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